Jun. 13th, 2016

 Nobody wants freedom.
what a strange realization to wake up to
and an obvious one.

We all want strings tied to ourselves
which we can then fight against and feel love towards
We call them relationships
and they are the stuff of containment.

we want there to be someone
who will get worried if we dont call 
putting pressure on us to conform

we want to be told how to be
'tis not something we put up with 
for the privilege of telling others how to be.
It is something we want for ourselves
deep within
because else,
we would not know who we are
or if we exist at all;
if nobody cares for us, the fear is
I would not be!

I have fooled you into this mindset, friend
Along with everybody including yourself 
You would not be anything in particular
but there is no way to stop existing.


 Heart sadness, is the only kind for me
Its the only kind that lets me transcend it.
Its the only kind that comes and then goes, leaving nothing behind but a clean emptiness
which quickly turns to joy

After experimentations with many other kinds of sadness
such as denial-of-sadness-sadness, and distract-myself-from-sadness-sadness
as well as i-dont-like-sadness-but-what-to-do-sadness dont really work for me-
those  bastard kinds of sadness have as their un-acknowledged father- fear

But Heart sadness. Oh i cant sing its praises enough!
Its father is fearlessness and its mother practicality aka Mz. Whatever--works.
Nothing more powerful. So often it takes with it, after it feels you have spent sufficient time with it
all those thoughts that invited it in the first place.
all those beliefs telling you that you are sad.
that you are right and it is necessary to be sad.

Kind of like drinking salt water to inducing vomiting
it comes out and takes everything else unpleasant with it!

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nh4ever

November 2016

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